4 Responses to “Late for Dinner”

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  1. I actually like the first person style quite a bit in this story. Because of it, there is a deep sense of intimacy between the lovers, while the reader becomes a close viewer (without actually being a part of the scene). It’s almost like accidentally stepping into someone’s dreamy memory.

    To me it seems like there is a lot of emotion being shown on both sides. His deep understanding of her reactions, her playful surrender… Really nice story.

    I’ve never tried writing erotica in first person like this, but now I’m inspired! :)

  2. I agree on the awkwardness of the style. I tried a slightly longer piece and ended up scrapping it. I like to write “quickies” sometimes to get a thought out of my head without a lot of scene setting or character development, but this does feel a little light in hindsight.

  3. Veronica

    Present tense first person doesn’t work well. There was a breakout novel in this particular style, but really only one that I’ve heard of.

    The mechanics of this are good, he or she knows how to do it, but there’s not a lot of emotion in this. Do they love each other, or is this just raw sex? How does the lead character feel, other than the physical sensations of the sex? How do the physical sensations of the sex make him feel emotionally also? Does he see any sign of emotion in his or her partner? I think if you add those things into it, then it will be a lot hotter, because sex is more mental than physical.

    Veronica

  4. This is one of my older pieces and probably the least-twisted bit of erotica I’ve ever written. I wrote it as an experiment in second-person perspective, and I’d love to hear feedback on how that comes off.

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